Enter My Mind [Kaplan/Toni] [Closed]

[Kaplan Yeates]

A  tongue is licking my cheek.

A slow sort of lazy lick with each pass, and I know instinctively that it's Jordan. She likes to lick my face in order to wake me up when she can't hold it anymore and wants to go outside or if she wants to eat. Usually it doesn't really bother me, I'll usually get out of bed because I probably wasn't sleeping that much anyway. This morning? I just lift up an arm and absently shove her away from me until she finally gives up and jumps off the bed. I was up late last night with Toni. We had played video games on my bed, lounged around, drank, got stoned, and I played a song for her that I had been writing. Then we just. . . kind of passed out on the bed together. Don't get dirty thoughts, nothing like. . . happened we just both passed out on the bed, not really touching each other but still within arm's reach of one another. My bed isn't big enough to allow there to  be any real sense of distance between the two of us. Plus sometimes I just feel bad that I'm making her sleep on the couch, as much as she seems to enjoy it, so I sometimes just make her sleep on the bed with me. Not like I can't sleep next to someone without touching them or anything. I have pretty good control over myself.....most of the time. At least in that area of shit. I'm not gonna make a move on any girl that lays on my bed with me, just not...smart.

I'm laying sprawled out on top of the covers, on my back, which is. . . . odd. I'm more of a roll onto my side with my front facing the rest of the room so no one can sneak up on me sort of person. And I don't move. Like, at all. I'll wake up in the exact same position I fell asleep in. So I'm a little surprised that I'm laying like this, but I guess that's not really that odd, since people can do some strange shit when they are sleeping. No the thing that freaks me out is when I turn my head towards the person who's laying next to me. For one thing, I'm on the edge of my bed. My bed is shoved against the corner of the room so I have more room for my guitar, amp, and shit like that, and plus I like to pace a lot in my room so it gives me more room to do that. So when I sleep on my bed, I always sleep with my back to the wall. It's just a survivalist thing, or severe paranoia, who the fuck knows. Just how I sleep, don't judge me.

So positioning on the bed aside, no dirty jokes, the main thing that freaks me out is seeing what's laying beside me. It's not Toni's small frame, no, the person next to me.....is me. Or at least some freaky ass clone. He...Me....It is laying where I would normally be, his back towards the wall, on his side, facing the rest of the room. Okay, what the fuck is going on? I reach a hand out in order to grab the person, looking at him and not at myself. So my hand closes over the fucking clones arm and I'm pulling myself closer to him, shaking it as hard as I can. There's a grumble, and groan, and it's hand flies out faster than I can really see correctly and slams into my chest. "Quitit." It says, and shoves me. I don't mean a little shove either, well might've seemed little to that thing that has my body, but I suddenly find myself flying off the bed and straight into the wall opposite of it. Pain explodes all up and down my back, and the breath gets knocked right the fuck out of me. Which is confusing as shit as I'm usually more resilient than that. That's when I finally actually look myself. I'm dressed in layers, and I'm skinny as fuck. I lift my hands, and looks at how small they are in comparison to what I'm normally used to having. I put them on my shoulders, and run them down, I get past the chest before it dawns on me.

Oh fuck. Oh fuck.
I'm fucking Toni.

And not in the way that sentence sounds....I mean I am Toni. At least trapped inside of her. Oh god, the fucking innuendos are piling up....fuck off brain. Speaking of that, my brain seems to still be mine. I mean, I'm not sitting here thinking all the random, fucked up shit that Toni probably does on a daily basis. Then again....I think some pretty fucked up shit also. I'd feel bad for the telepath that can actually get past my shields enough to see some of the shit that enters into my brain on a daily basis. One of the reasons I fucking avoid most psychics. I'm friends with one, and I trust her to not try to see anything. Not to mention, she fucking doesn't want too and I don't blame her there. Fuck. This is weird as shit. I'm picking up my left arm, shaking it around, then my right and doing the same thing. Lift up each leg and move it, bend it, wiggle my toes. Jesus. I can control all of her. How the fuck did this happen? I look back up on the bed, where my body is sleeping. And wonder about something. The voice that had come out of it, had been mine. But what it said? Totally fucking Toni. She says things in a distinct kind of way. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I stand up awkwardly, not used to the way this body feels, plus I'm still in...pain from being tossed across the fucking room.

Jesus, is this how she feels every day?

I guess I've. . . kind of forgotten what it's like to be human. To not be as durable as I usually am. I try to be mindful of that shit, of just how weak and flimsy she is compared to me, but sometimes it's hard. I'm so used to having friends who are. . . .as tough or tougher than me. So it's not like I ever have to worry about them, but I do have to keep myself in check around Toni. . . and another friend of mine who is human. But she's tough enough that I can be a little rougher with her than I can with Toni. I take a step towards the bed, and stumble a bit, almost falling over on my fucking face, but I manage to catch myself at the last minute. I'm feeling kind of proud of myself, and  take another step.

And get my foot tangled in the cord to my amp.

So of course I go falling face first, right into the floor. I just lay there for a moment, trying to get my bearings again, and wonder what the fuck I'm going to do. How in the hell am I going to learn how to operate and control a body that I've never been in before is going to be a fun adventure. Not. "FUCK," I say loudly, trying to growl but it only comes out as this...weird squeaky thing. "Toni! Wake the fuck up!" I'm screaming towards the bed, and manage to shift around so I'm sitting on the floor, my legs crossed Indian style. I refuse to move right now. Not until I can get more settled inside of this body. Niki, we....fucking need Niki. Right now. But I need this other person to get the fuck up.

[Toni Descartes]

I don't talk about my dreams much, and if I did I'd probably lie to you about them. Tell you shit like they're all ponies and zombie hordes and I'm riding some crazy demon unicorn and it's stabbing them through the brains with it's horn of stabby doom and shit like that. And damn, now that I've said it I wish I was dreaming of that shit. Or that I ever did.

But really, mostly, all I dream about is them.

People who are dead. Some of them, I know. Some I don't. Sometimes I just dream of corpses, like just...miles of them. Like the whole world's gone and it's just me and bodies, everywhere, stacked up like walls. And there's no more 'death' vibes or maybe I've just gotten used to them or maybe they just blew away with the wind, cause it's always windy in the dreams. But whatever, it's just me, and bodies, and sometimes they're ones I know, sometimes they don't really have 'faces' exactly. Point is, I'm alone, with death all around me, but I can't get a fix, can't get high off it. And I'm the only one left. And I can't even kill myself. There's nothing to do it with. No pills or guns or water to drown in or anything to trip over and break my skull open cause I'm a klutzy bitch like that.

It's not always that dream. That's actually one of the more...pleasant ones.

Sometimes it's the car crash. I dream about that one pretty often. I stopped, for awhile, for years actually, but...I kinda started up again awhile back. I don't even know why, to be honest. Wasn't anything I know of that triggered it. Maybe my fucked up brain just went 'hey you know that nightmare you thought you'd gotten past having all the friggin' time? HAHA fooled you, bitch!' So yeah. Now I dream about the crash again. Mostly it's always just me in the car bleeding to death while my dad's talking to me and I'm trying to tell him shit, like how I love him or how I miss him or even like, shit like I've done in my life or regret or just....I dunno. Anything. I stopped trying to save him a long fucking time ago and now when I have the dream it's more like I'm just desperately trying to spend those last seconds with him over again, wishing my stupid fucking death powers could heal other people or I could take his fucking place or any of it. Wishing I'd never been born so he'd never die in this fucking retarded car accident cause his adopted daughters just a fucked up junkie demon.

I usually wake up from this dream in a craptacular mood. I don't think I really need to explain why.

Thankfully that dream was yesterday. And yeah I was broody as fuck when I woke up. But then I kinda usually wake up bratty, especially til I get a smoke in me. Which is why my friend has taken to just shoving one at me the second both my eyes are open, or I've at least got one working on it, the other still going "AH BRIGHT LIGHT" or something. He's a smart man. Knows me too well, though. Sometimes that annoys the fuck out of me. Cause I...don't really like letting people get to know me like that. It makes shit harder. Cause I'm a death sentence, you hang around me long enough, and I've yet to be convinced otherwise, so no amount of people telling me that's not the case does much good. And this guy, he's like....epic. Like really. And if he died or something, like if it was my fault cause just....being around me kinda....brings death around...Well I'd be really fucking fucked up. And I'm fucked up enough to begin with.

He's pretty fucked up, too, which is probably why we fit so well. We didn't really at first, took a while to get used to eachother, but now we hang out like, a lot. Actually I'm kinda...staying with him right now. It started out as captivity, glorified babysitting, but I'd probably not have left anyway, even if the threat of him tracking me down wasn't constantly hanging in the air. And he would, too. He's done it before. That's how I got here, actually, cause...Something happened awhile back, and I took off. And he came and found me and brought me back to his place, and that's where I've been, ever since.

Problem is, the reason I took off in the first place. Someone...said some shit to me. About me. Some shit was brought up that I hadn't been letting myself think about in a while, not since I kinda told a few people about it in the first place, and maybe I was stupid enough to think that talking about it would make it better or go away or something and at first? Maybe it kinda did. But then that shit got said and it messed up my brains again and I started...Dreaming about it again. And I....hadn't in a long, long time. Like not since kinda the first couple years after it happened. And suddenly I'm reliving it the second I close my eyes only it's worse, cause dreams like to do that, take the already bad shit, twist it around, make it scarier and more surreal not that I needed it to be, it was bad enough in the reality...

So I took off. Because I didn't know what else to do. Because that's my fucking default setting. RUN AWAAAAAAAAY! That's what I do. So I did. And of course, Kaplan found me. Because that's what he does. For me, at least. Pretty sure he doesn't go that far for most other people, really. God knows why but for some reason the guy seems to like me a lot so...And not in a creepy, stalkey, 'sex you up' kinda way or something, cause I seem to attract that type a lot lately....But no.

So I've been having that dream again. The bad one. Well, the worse one, I guess. Cause at least with the dreams about the crash I get to talk to my dad again, kinda. The guy I'm talking to in these dreams...I don't wanna be. He says all the shit I don't wanna hear, as he's doing things to me I don't wanna see or think about. At least in reality I was passed the fuck out when he really did these things to me. But not in the dreams. Not anymore.

I've had this dream three times this week already. I dunno if Kaplan notices, I mean I think I make sounds in my sleep anyway and sometimes he'll wake me up, kinda poking at me or something, but yeah. He hasn't really asked and I wouldn't have told him, anyway, if he had. He doesn't need to know whats going on in my head when I'm asleep. Not like he can crawl inside my brain and kill that guy in my nightmares for me. God that'd be cool though...But yeah. So no point in talking about them. Most of the time, I wake up, grumble, and go back to sleep. Just praying my dreams are better or non existent.

I had the damn dream again this morning, really early, like before its even fully fucking light out. I probably hadn't even been asleep long, I think we stayed up til almost dawn anyway, so I probably only got like a minute of sleep before the dream got me. And I'd been so damned exhausted, too, and a little drunk, kinda a lot stoned. I like hanging out with Kap, he's fun. Mostly we just play video games and drink and talk about insane shit. And he doesn't mind when I get so stoned I just lay there staring at nothing, which I don't do like, all the time, but I like to do that when he's playing guitar. I dig his playing, and he's been like, letting me hear shit he's been writing, and sometimes he plays covers of stuff I know and doesn't make horrible fun of me when I sing along. ...Okay, he kinda does, but not in a mean way like some people do. I just shove him and tell him to shut the fuck up when he does, anyway. And then sing louder and more off key.

We passed out on his bed together, like not together together just like, on the same bed, at the same time...And fully clothed and shit. Well mostly. I am at least. Cause I like, never am not really. But he's like, captain Sweatpants over there. When I tease him about his man-chest he just tells me to be grateful he's wearing pants cause apparently he sleeps nekkid if I'm not here. Which I kinda feel bad about, actually. That he has to change his habits, not that he's not naked around me. Cause I really don't care if he is. I mean I do care cause...I don't wanna like...see him naked...Not that there's anything wrong with him naked, I mean I just don't wanna see it...I mean, not like it's like...bad, I mean he's not bad looking or anything I just....I'ma just shut up about that now...Moving along...

So we passed out and nobody was nekkid and no sex was had by anyone, and that was that.

Except that I had the fucking dream again. I didn't wake all the way up, just enough to grumble something and fall back asleep, and thank fucking gawd this time the dreams weren't all bad and stuff. This time I was dreaming I was playing the fucking video game I played before bed only I had like a super fucking cheat or something cause I was way more badass and had way cooler weapons and I was kicking Kaplan's ass all to hell. Which does happen sometimes, but not nearly often enough. And he gets all smug and does that jackal smile thing when he wins and then I pout and he tells me to cut it out. So I pout more. And harder. And I start sniffling and doing sad-face. And by that time I've pretty much forgotten why I started pouting anyway but this is usually when he bribes me with something like more smokes or booze or food or something. And I smile and say "Silly puppy" and pat him on the head.

It's funny, I can, very vaguely, remember using that ploy on my dad when I was a kid and he'd whoop my ass at checkers...And then he'd buy me ice cream or let me have more candy than I was generally allowed or something. Not to say I think of Kaplan like a...dad or something...Just I think maybe my dad was the last person I was really close to ever, I mean I loved my mom too but dad and I were like, buddies, I guess? At least until I got older and became 'a girl' and suddenly he couldn't figure out how to handle me anymore.

I've gotten off track again. Anyway, so I'm kicking fucking ass at this game, right, and I'm all super super badass, and suddenly like, the whole world is shaking. For a second I think it's like, an earthquake or something, and then I realize it's someone shaking me. I'm starting to wake up and that annoys me so I sort of shove them away, mumbling something and drifting back to sleep. Sometimes, I sleep super super light, but other times I like, pass the fuck out, which is probably because I've spent a lot of time like, sleeping outside, and you gotta like, sleep through a lotta bullshit when you do that, but also sometimes you gotta be aware of your surroundings too. Depends on where you are, I guess. Point being, I feel...safe, I guess, here, so I tend to sleep hard when I do. So the dream changes, but I'm still sleeping.

And I would have probably kept on fucking sleeping, but there's someone calling my name now. and it's all like, weird, like it's not what I'm expecting to hear, and I kind of fight my way out of sleep and peel one eye open as I'm speaking. "...The fuck...Go 'way....sleeping...." And I start to drift back, when my brain goes WAITAMINNIT and I feel my face scrunch into a frown as my eyes fight to open again. That didn't....sound right....And the voice yelling my name didn't sound right either. And I'm all like...curled up on my side and I'm kinda....not cold, not really, but...I feel....weird...like not right...I'm used to sleeping in tons of clothing, but I can feel air on my skin. My eyes are having trouble opening and focusing, and I shake my head, kind of trying to stretch out, and I finally get both eyes open, frowning and trying to figure out what feels so damned off...

Which is when I see it. Her. Me. ....What the...fuck...

I'm sitting on the floor, in front of the bed, staring at myself. I have got to still be dreaming...I run a hand over my face, and that's about the time shit really goes weird. I sit up, fast, and...about launch myself off the bed. Whoa. ...Okay, I just...sat up...what the hell...But I moved way fast, like I just pushed myself up a tiny bit so I could sit up but...I about jumped off the bed...That's....new.....

I'm still looking at myself, and I've been talking to me this like whole time, but I'm not listening, cause I'm too fucking freaked out. This is about the point that I look down at myself, my hands first, which are...huge...and then my bare chest and my....wait what? No way....I tilt my head way down til my chin is touching my chest and I'm just sort of staring straight down at this like...guy-body....Before I even realize I'm doing it I'm up on my knees, like staring down, and, okay, this isn't one of my prouder moments here but....I look down at the sweatpants I'm wearing, and my lack of shirt, and seeing as I have a dude's chest it just makes sense to check and see if that's all the boy parts I have or what. So I...lift the waist of the sweat pants and peek down, but like, I kinda have one eye closed and the other squinting like I'm afraid of what I'll see, and yep....I've got man-junk...

I'm not sure how I landed on my side on the bed. I'ma take the safe route and assume I fainted for a second. I do that, usually not from....ya know...looking down my own....someone's....anyway, I think I passed out for a second, or started to, or maybe I just fell over because I generally lack coordination on the best of days, but now I'm laying on my side staring at...me...and it all clicks, as I try to get back to a sitting position.

"Oh my gawd....I'm Kaplan...." But that doesn't answer a very important question. Because me is still sitting there, and now I look kinda like 'duh, asshole' and I frown, kind of attempting to crawl off the bed closer to....myself...Which isn't easy cause like...every fucking tiny movement feels like I'm in fast forward or something. So I'm moving like, as slow as possible, and I miss the end of the bed cause I'm staring at myself and I basically faceplant right off the edge of it and land right in front of myself, managing to roll over so I'm looking up at....her....And I reach up, slowly, and poke me...her...it...whatever...right in the forehead. And I say "Ow" but not like I say ow, like when Kaplan pokes me in the arm and it doesn't really hurt but I say ow anyway. No, the me that isn't me says ow like it does hurt, and kind of bats my hand away, and that's when the really scary idea hits.

"Oh god....You're me, aren't you?!" And then I'm giggling, like hysterically, because I really can't figure out what else to do. And because I have Kaplan's voice and giggling in his voice sounds hilarious and makes me giggle more. I have this second where I wonder if I've gone insane, if I've truly lost my shit, and then I realize I need a cigarette about as bad as I ever have in my entire life and I kind of sit up, looking around for them. I'm saying something, well, the other  me is, and I realize I should probably be more concerned with the entire situation at hand, but right now, all my brain is focused on is finding our smokes.

Once I get some nicotine in my system, all will be right with the world, and we can....figure this shit out....maybe....Jesus I hope so....Cause pretty soon here I'ma probably have to pee, and I do not wanna have to figure out how to pee with that...thing....Oh god.

[Kaplan Yeates]

I should have fuckin' known it wouldn't be easy to wake her...him....whatever....up. Toni's sleeps like, excuse the pun, the dead. Her body goes all limp, and she's just out. I've kind of always envied the way she can just drop down into sleep sometimes. I mean yeah, she'll usually fall asleep and be up again in an hour or so, from shit dreams. I remember one time I was sittin' on the floor with my back leaning against the couch, my knees all bent, watching Lord of The Rings, smoking a cigarette. Toni fell asleep a while ago, probably the first hour or so in, because it came on pretty late. Her breathing was all even, and her heart rate was just this steady sort of thump that people get when they are sleeping. The heart rate just slows down, and sometimes, depending on how deep asleep the person is, it can be so slow that it almost is hard to hear even for me. My ex used to do that. She'd literally sleep like she was dead. Anyway. I was sittin' there, smoking my cigarette, sort of relaxed and stoned, maybe a little buzzed as well and sort of relaxing. Suddenly her heart beat started just fucking racing and her breathing got all fucked up. She started moving, and murmuring. Most of what she said was pretty hard to decipher with her face all pressed into her pillow like it was, but I knew from experience that she was having a fuckin' epic nightmare. I wasn't sure if there was kind of a procedure to this. If I moved her would she go into shock or something? Wait I think that's something else. I didn't know. So I just kind of started poking her until she finally managed to crawl her way out of whatever hell her brain had sent her into. I can sympathize. It's why I don't sleep at all, most times.

When she woke up, I just looked at her. She looked all embarrassed and shit, almost. And I just passed her a cigarette and sat with her until the trembling stopped. That's just how I do things. I never hug someone, I can't ever get words of comfort out past my larynx. So I'll just sit there with them while they either talked, or we'll sit there in silence, until they felt better. Sometimes that's all a person needs. Unless they are being ridiculous, then I'll just beat the shit out of them and consider it character building. Anyway, I got off topic. She's taking forever to wake up in my body. Finally one eye gets peeled open, and it's fucking weird to be seeing the green of my eyes looking at me in another way other than just like. . . you know lookin' in the mirror and shit. My eyes, they are forest green. Like the color of leaves after a long ass spring fall. Probably the only bright thing about me. Because y'know my personality isn't bright at all. Or my mind half the time. My eyes are the only thing about me that I like and I want them back goddamnit. I want my body back. I don't want to be stuck in the body of a emaciated girl.

She mumbles some more stuff, and I'm waiting for it. Waiting for the moment that she has my voice. It's so fuckin' weird to hear myself on the outside. My voice is weird, it's fuckin' low and dark, gravelly as hell and I wonder if that's from all the years of smoking. Or if I just naturally sound like that. I mean, to me I just sound....I dunno normal? I guess all of our voices sound normal to us because we've lived with them for so long. I can practically see the moment where it starts to click into her brain. She stretches my body out, and opens my eyes again and finally spots me sitting here as her finally. For a moment, I wonder if she thinks she's dreaming, because she just runs my hand over my face, and sits up quickly, and then looks confused by it. My body is used to being a lycan, so it instinctively uses the speed to its advantage. Just a little push up from me is usually done at a speed which is faster than humans. Not to mention, someone who isn't used to controlling my body is going to be awkward as hell with all the power that lingers inside of me. Most of it that I don't even show. I keep it hidden, and don't let it out unless I really want to unload on someone.

She starts looking at me, at my hands first, then down at my chest, my chin against my chest, and she moves to get me up onto my knees. I'm wondering what the fuck she's doing until my hand clutches the waistband of my sweatpants. Oh god, don't do that. Don't. I'm opening my mouth to tell her to stop, halt all action because there is no reason for her to look down there, but it's too fucking late. She's already looking down at my....stuff. I mean, it's not like she's never seen it. I've shifted back from wolf to human in front of her and just walked around completely naked. Nudity isn't something that's ever really a problem for me. I may not, like, be rippling with muscles or something, but I do look alright. But still. This is the principle of the matter. She didn't have to do that. I blow out a breath when my body falls down onto its side, and I'm worried for a moment that she fainted. And I think she did for a moment. Just a tiny little moment. And I don't blame her that much because I'm fighting the panic right now. But I've always been good at hiding my shit, hiding what I really feel. So even if my stomach is churning, my chest feels like it's suffocating from the panic, I'm trying to be completely impassive. Which I imagine on her face looks really weird. She gets back into a sitting position, a bit awkwardly, and says out loud that she's me.

I'm raising an eyebrow at her, with this look on my face that I'm sure is somewhere along the lines of 'no shit sherlock,' she screws my face up into a bit of a frown, and starts crawling on the bed towards me. But she's looking at me, so when she misses the edge of the bed and face-plants onto the ground I cannot help the laugh that comes out of my mouth. There's just something funny about seeing basically. . . me fall on my face off of my own bed. I'm snickering as she manages to roll me over and look up at me. She's basically laying with my head in her right next to her leg. She brings my hand up and pokes me....her...fuck this is confusing to explain, in the forehead. It hurts so I say "Ow! Fuck," and lift one of her hands up to rub the spot where she poked, swatting her hand away as I do. I wonder if this is how she feels everytime I poke her. God, do I really hurt her every time I touch her? I don't want to do that. I try to like, hold back a fuckton so maybe this is just because she can't really do that because she doesn't know how too. She says something about me being her, and then she's......is she giggling? Is she giggling in my body!? "Stop that!!! Stop giggling in my body, goddamnit!" I'm saying, and I punch her in the shoulder, and my hang stings like....fuck from the impact. Jesus Christ. But she's sitting up and not noticing, goddamn punch probably wasn't more than something equivalent to a bee sting to her.  I know what she's looking for. The same fuckin' thing that I want more than anything right now.

A goddamn cigarette.

I nudge her, and point to the dresser where I left the cigarettes and lighter on it last night and it's. .  . on the other side of the room. We're both looking at each other, trying to decide which one of us is going to risk embarrassment in order to get up and go get them. I finally decide that I'll take it, and shakily get to my feet.  I'm sort of using the wall as something sturdy to lean on as I slowly, and I mean slowly make my way to my dresser. I pick up the cigarettes and it takes me a moment to light one up because I'm so fucking not used to having these hands. Everything just feels off about me right now. "Okay," I say finally, after taking in a deep breath of nicotine and tossing her the pack of cigarettes and lighter. "Obviously, something is fucked up here." I'm trying to be logical sounding, but it's hard in her voice damnit. My face is screwed up into a serious looking sort of face, I hope. I hope it just doesn't look ridiculous. "We need Niki." I nod a bit. Niki seems like the logical choice here, she'd know what was going on. She might even be able to fix it. . . . . if she didn't die laughing first......

"Think you'd be okay getting dressed? And I swear by all that is holy if you put me into something gay I'm stripping your ass down and making you run naked down the street," My brows are narrowed at her as I take another drag from my cigarette.

[Toni Descartes]

I'm definitely having one of those "I am too sober to be dealing with this" moments. Seriously. Cause first off, this body, all wrong. It's not bad enough like, I feel like someone stuck me on fast forward or something, like my movements are too fucking fast. Like a video game where you have to press a button to walk cause the fuckin' default setting is run. That's how I feel. Seriously. And that's not bad enough, cause it's not just how I move. It's how I feel. Like, okay, first off, shit on my skin, like air, anything I brush against, my 'own' puny little hand when it punches me in the arm as I'm yelling at myself about giggling, all of it feels so much more...I dunno. Something? I mean it could be cause I'm also like, almost naked right now but I think it's just...that whole lycan senses thing. And oh-mah-fucking-gawd but...Yeah having....boy parts? I have no idea how I'ma deal with this. Cause when I move I can feel them like....yeah. I mean okay I'm like a mostly flat chested scrawny girl so dangly bits, not really something I have to deal with. Maybe if I had crazy big breasts or something I'd be more used to random unruly appendages or something but no, this is...so weird. And I know we're always laughing about how people call him 'huge' when he's really like an average height sorta skinny guy but right now? He might as well be Fenris. I feel like a giant. Like I should be stomping tiny cities with my huge feet.

I'm still kind of just trying to get all my body parts working in unison when he nudges me, and I about jump a foot in the air. It was...crazy. I guess I'm used to wearing a lot of clothing most times and people don't touch me a whole lot but wow, if this is the kinda shit he feels like, all the time, it's not really shocking to me that he doesn't like being touched that much either. I mean I think that's just a him thing like it's a me thing too but it can't help that it feels like that, definitely. God. And smells...Holy shit...Suddenly, now that I'm paying attention to it, I can smell tons of stuff. Like....me....Where he touched my arm, or I touched his or...whatever, anyway I can smell myself on his skin. And I can smell stuff in the room, like just everything, stuff I know I couldn't smell before, and it's fucking tripping me out. I almost don't catch where he's pointing, until my eyes find the pack of smokes sitting on a dresser than might as well be across the fucking world right now.

There is no way I can get to those. I've got this vision in my head of getting up all "HAH! I can do it!" and taking like a step and just crashing into the fucking wall. Cause that's how I feel right now. So I just sort of sit there, looking at....me? Kaplan? Whatever the fuck. Anyway, sometimes I do this, I just look at Kaplan, like with big eyes or just a raised eyebrow or sometimes not even that much, and he'll just get up and get me whatever I want. It's epic. And I always pat him on the head and say "Thaaaaaaaank you, Buttons!" and he always scowls and moves his head away from my hand. But I think he secretly likes it. Not that he'll ever admit it. Anyway, so I kinda try this, now, but it probably isn't as effective without my scrawny little face and stupid big eyes staring holes into him. But maybe it worked anyway, somehow, cause he gets up, all shaky like a fucking baby deer or something, and I'm just sitting there watching myself wondering if that's how I look like all the time. All fuckin' gangly and wobbly and weird. I look like a fucking marionette! Ugh!

He moves my body all...slowly and carefully, and I kinda find something to lean against in the mean time and just try not to hurt myself somehow. And I'm kinda fascinated watching this shit, too, honestly. I mean...I dunno if I move like, more normally than that or what but jesus. I look ridiculous. And maybe it's just the perspective and shit too but I have to wonder if this is how he sees me, as this stick figure baby deer monstrosity with only a very loose grasp on things like coordination and grace.  I'd like to blame this all on him and how he's the one who can't figure out how to drive the Toni Car but I think really the car's pretty jacked up to begin with.

After like eleventy billion minutes, he finally gets my stupid body over to the dresser, but then he has to wrangle these little smokes out of this pack with these stupid tiny hands. I'm tempted to say something like 'Welcome to my world, dude' but I'm still tweaking out over how I sound when I talk right now so I end up just staring at him, all mesmerized as he gets a smoke lit and suddenly the smell of smoke fills the air. And oh my fucking god but it's like, the best smell ever ever ever ever. I think I'm like, almost fucking drooling, it's so good. My arm's all held out and doing grabby hands as he throws the pack and lighter to me, and stupidly, I try to catch the godamned things which results mostly in me batting the pack and lighter off to separate sides of me and having to spend several precious seconds finding them again. And if I was amused watching him with my tiny hands, I can only imagine he's amused watching me with the stupid friggin' oven mitts he calls hands cause fuck if I can get them to do anything I need right now.

He's talking, this whole time. I've finally got the lighter held up, the smoke between my lips and clenched between my teeth lightly, and my thumb and the wheel of the lighter aren't making nice. When I finally get it lit, I just stare at the pretty flame for a second. Well, until it burns my thumb and I drop the lighter with a curse. And then drop it again because the goddamned wheel is hot now. When I finally get the fucking thing lit and held to my smoke, taking in a deep, deep breath and closing my eyes, I finally sort of process what he's been saying this whole time. The gist seems to be that something's fucked up, and we need Niki. Which...makes sense. I guess. All I care about right this second is getting my little internal Nicotine-O-Meter back up into the happy levels instead of the 'close to homicidal' ones...

He's looking at me again, we're both smoking now and seem a little less on edge, and he asks me if I'd be okay getting dressed. And before I can answer, he tells me what he'll do with my body if I put him in something gay. I'm scrunching up my face and sticking my tongue out at him before I even realize how probably fucking ridiculous that looks. "Babe, it's not me dressing you gay you're gonna have to worry about...I could just act gay...." I'm smirking at the thought, and I have a second to wonder if I'm doing anything close to his crazy jackal grin. Probably not, but that'd be amusing as hell. But then this is Kaplan and he's got my body so....I grab the nearest piece of clothing and wave it like a flag, giggling again. "Truce, for now. But you...have to get me dressed too so....Don't fuck that shit up okay?" I mean it's not like I'm Lilith the fucking fashion plate but I mean I like to think I have my own style, ya know? In fact.... "Maybe I better just pick something out for you...." And I snicker, but I'm kinda worried about what he might pick out on his own.

Okay so...First things first, I'ma have to get up if we're gonna...get dressed and go talk to Niki and all...So...Okay. Get my smoke between my teeth again, try not to bite the fucking filter in half with my crazy super teeth...And stand up. Easier fucking said then done. There's a second there I very, very nearly ask him to help me up, but then I realize that I'm a puny lameass and won't be able to do much. So I just get my...his hands under me and slowly kind of push myself up, and get my feet planted under me. When I'm basically upright, I kind of hold my arms out like I'm afraid I'm about to tip over, because I totally fucking am, and then I kind of giggle, feeling probably way more proud of myself right now than I deserve to.

Okay. Clothing. Kap-me is just just watching me, I can't really tell if my expression is wary or annoyed or kind of amused or what. Probably for the best though. At least he's not laughing his ass off at me right now. I'm sure that'll come later...

Getting over to the dresser takes too fucking long. Most of my clothing lives in garbage bags still but I've upgraded to a plastic storage bin and I have ambitions to someday add a couple plastic shoe boxes. You know, so I'm not digging to the bottom of this shit for my jewelry and socks and all the shit that slips down to the bottom of the box to ensure I'm hanging upside down over the edge of it trying to grab for some elusive shiny piece of crap everytime I make the effort to get dressed. I'm sure I could probably have a drawer or something if I really wanted one but that seems a little too much like moving in, whereas storage bins are mobile and I can still pretend that I can just throw my crap back into a bag and leave at any time. Stupid but that thought is sometimes the only thing that keeps me from totally spazzing out, like the nights when I'm laying on the couch staring past the back of Kaplan's head where he's sitting in front of it and I'm warm and safe and actually something resembling happy and my entire body floods with that panic because this shit never lasts. The second you're content, the world drops out from under you. So I keep telling myself, when that happens, I just leave. Cause that's how it's always been. So I always have my shit ready to go. When he gets sick of me, or something bad happens, or I fuck up somehow and burn all these bridges I didn't even realize I'd been building all crude like with little twigs and candy wrappers and empty bottles and cigarette butts.

I dunno if he knows that's why I keep my shit in bags and boxes still. He doesn't ask and I figure he would if he didn't get it. He seems to...get a lot of the shit no one else does, about me, like that. Which is probably why I haven't taken off on him yet. Well, that and I'd miss him like...a ton. No one else puts up with my brattiness like he does.

I get to the dresser okay, sure. But getting the dresser open? Way more work than it should be. First, I almost pull the fucking thing onto the floor. Then I almost shove it closed so hard it doesn't wanna open. Kaplan is scowling at me and saying something but I just wave him off and take another drag of my smoke, trying to slow myself down enough to pull the drawer open enough to not destroy the fucking thing. "Jesus fucking christ dude how do you do anything?" I'm scowling around my smoke as I start digging through shit, trying to find something to wear. I settle on a pair of pants, a shirt with some snarky fucking something or other on it, and that's about as good as I think I can get it, at this point. I sort of drop the clothes onto the floor, looking around for things like socks and underwear before it occurs to me I'm not even sure if he wears any cause, really, I never pay attention. I mean, I've seen him dressed and I've seen him naked but I didn't really like, look at the in between states? I guess I don't really pay that much attention. Usually if he's getting dressed around me I'm covering my eyes and making silly comments or going "Agh I'm blind!" or "AH! Wolf Junk!" or something and he flips me off or tells me to shut up.

I'm wasting time and I'm not seeing any boxers or anything so I figure he probably doesn't have any, which seems weird to me cause...I have like a million pairs of underwear...But yeah. So I close the drawer and kind of take a step back, and reach down to pick up the clothing, sort of crouching down and looking at it. For some reason, I feel this weird like, sense of modesty, and I almost tell him to turn around or something, and then I realize that this is absurd because...I'm in his body! I'm the one that shouldn't be looking, damnit!

I stand up, scowling, and I realize I'm holding the pants like I'm angry at them and I think I kinda am, silly as that is. But first I have to take the sweats off, and I keep my head up, eyes staring at the wall, as I do it. Just don't look down. Just don't look down. Shit I looked down. I couldn't help it, I was trying to make sure I didn't tangle my fucking man-feet into the legs of the fucking pants. Oh god, and that's not even the worst of it. I think I brushed something pulling them up. God I'm like, almost whining as I'm doing this. I half wanna say something awful like "you know if I ever thought about touching your body it...wasn't like this", but I'm honestly feeling way too much like a creepy bastard as it is without trying to add awkward humor to the situation. So I just get the pants up and zipped and once that's done I kind of relax a little. Putting a shirt on isn't nearly as stressful.  In fact by the time I get it over my head and all sorted out, I'm feeling a little bit smug. Which is of course why I trip over the tangled up sweat pants at my feet and go sprawling.

Kap's laughing as I roll over, kicking at the pants like it's a snake around me and not fucking cloth, and I stop, sort of propping myself up on an arm because that's about the most I'm allowing myself to do. I still have the smoke in my mouth, and I take what's left of it and briefly consider flicking it at him, but I'm afraid I might end up like...actually hurting my body, so I don't. Instead I kind of look around for something to stub it out in, shaking my head. "Laugh it up, bitch. It's your turn now. And no copping out and saying you'll just leave in that cause I'ma tackle you and rip it all off if you try. I'm not gonna be the only one humiliated." And I sit up, all indian style with my arms crossed over my chest, and glad I can't see myself right now. Cause I'm fucking sure I look fucking ridiculous right now, and if I could see it, I'd probably be laughing too.

This is so not fair.

[Kaplan Yeates]

I gotta say, it feels a hell of a lot better to get some nicotine into my system.

Watching her...me....fumble with the cigarettes and lighter with hands that she is clearly not used to dealing with. I'm not sure exactly how we're going to manage to do anything right now without killing each other. We're both going to be so fuckin' clumsy and awkward, and the dangerous part of this is the fact that's currently awkward and clumsy in a body that could break the one that I'm occupying in half with very little fuckin' effort. What would happen if she killed me while I was in her body? Would she be then trapped inside mine and I'd...die? Or would she die and I'd get my body back? That's a question I really don't want to figure out, because both of those options frankly....fuckin' suck. So I'll have to keep my distance from her until she gets a better handle on controlling my body. I'm just glad that we still have cognitive awareness as ourselves. How the fuck did this happen anyway? I'm trying to be coolly logical about all of this, but it's difficult when I keep thinking how weird I feel right now. How unnatural this form feels to me. I can only imagine that she feels the same fuckin' way. We're both pretty goddamned difficult in terms of size and strength. Suddenly she's got this body that's full of speed, strength, power and senses heightened to the max. Everything has got to feel really fuckin' amplified and weird for her. Whereas I'm trying to remember what it's like to be human and therefore...weak. Not just weak in terms of normal human strength, she doesn't even have that. I don't mean this to sound mean,  she's just a small fuckin' person.

She's smirking at me, well technically I'm smirking, Jesus do I always look that fuckin' creepy when I smirk? No wonder people get freaked out by me when I smile. I've had people call this my 'jackal' grin, and now I see why. Damn. I look fuckin' freaky like that. She tells me that she doesn't need to dress gay, she can just act gay that that'd be just as bad. Hell, that'd be worse. Damnit. I should have added that to the clause of her controlling my body. Stop giggling, and no acting gay. I have a reputation to uphold, y'know? I spent a long fuckin' time building up that kickass, don't-fuck-with-that-guy, image that people see just from looking at me. I don't need her ruining that just because she wants to be an asshole. But then, there are so many awful, awful things I could do to her in her body that would make her feel equally horrified. Which I'm sure she realizes cause she picks up a piece of clothing and waves it like a surrender flag, and she's doing that fuckin' giggle again that sounds really fucking weird coming out of my mouth. She tells me that I have to dress her also, and I look down at the layers of clothing that she wore to bed last night, and raise my eyebrow. I'm already dressed. Toni never sleeps in anything but at least two to three shirts, and pants, and socks. I think she'd wear shoes if I didn't ban them from my couch, or my bed if she's sleeping on that. Of course that caused a bit of a struggle, because after I told her she wasn't allowed to wear shoes on my couch or my bed, she made it a point too do it just to be bratty. She then says maybe she should just pick out something for me and I'm rolling my eyes, taking a deep drag of tar, nicotine, and smoke. It feels glorious, but not as good as it does as a lycan. As a lycan, my taste buds can pick apart each ingredient, and taste each thing that is mixed together in order to make one thing. It tastes so much better that way.

Everything does.

I'm watching as she stands up, really fuckin' amused watching her try to keep her balance in a body that I just...naturally am balanced in. I can't give her too much shit about it, cause....I'm sure watching me trying to walk in her body was pretty funny as hell also. But I know my expression is a mixture of amusement and wariness. I'm really fuckin' worried about what she's going to dress my body in. I don't think she'd really do anything totally out of character from how I am. But still....it's still a legitimate worry there.

She's being all slow to walk to the  dresser, and I can't say that I blame her for that. I guess I'm just feeling antsy, and impatient at the moment. So  I want her to move faster than she is. I'm used to moving a hell of a lot faster than I am right now, so it's hard for me to be moving this slow. I feel weird as fuck right now. She gets to the dresser and she has some problems opening the drawer. First she pulls it out too fast, then closes it too hard, and I'm scowling a bit watching her. "Jesus, figure it out already," I'm saying snarkily, but I'm trying to hold back a snicker. She makes some comment about how I do anything, and I want to say something snarky back, but I refrain, just take an exaggerated drag from my cigarette, watching her as she digs through my shit. Which ....I dunno seems odd. I mean it's basically me digging through my own clothes, but it's not me so I guess it's weird? She picks out a pair of black jeans, which are all I basically fuckin' own, and some t-shirt. I don't really know which one cause I can't see it very well from this angle and she dropped it to the floor before I could investigate further.

Then she's digging further, I think she's looking for boxers or some kind of underwear but the thing is....I don't ever wear any. I just never liked the feel of them. Boxers get all fuckin' bunched up inside my pants, and briefs....they are too fuckin' confining on my nuts. No fuckin' thank you. I'd rather just go commando and deal with it. Plus underwear is just another expense that I could spend elsewhere. She's scowling when she collects the pants, and I'm raising a brow at her as she stands up. She slides the sweats off of my legs, and I notice the way she's trying to remain staring at the wall because....well she doesn't want to see my stuff, not that she hasn't ever seen it before. So I'm snickering a bit when she does have to look down in order to the jeans on. I'm watching her, and thank fucking god she managed to. . . adjust shit in a way that she didn't end up catching the zipper on it. Cause fuck that hurts like a bitch when that happens.

Not that I would know that...nope....never done that.

She looks a bit smug when she pulls the shirt on, like she just accomplished something that is usually impossible to do, and I'm about to say something when she trips over the sweat pants and I can't help the fuckin' laugh that comes out of me. She's kicking the pants away, and scowling, and I'm still laughing. I hear her say, well...I say...whatever, that it's my turn, and that I can't cop out, and I instantly stop laughing. I know I'm making that bratty kind of scowl that she usually has on her face. She sits up, and sits in a classic Toni way, in my body. Her legs all crossed Indian style, and it looks fuckin' ridiculous on me. "Goddamn, stop sitting like that, I don't sit like that," I'm snapping at her, as I turn towards where her clothes are stashed inside the storage bins.

I pick out my outfit, which is basically just some pants, and a shirt, and grab a new hoodie for her to wear. Then comes to awkward situation of taking off what I have one. "Jesus, why do you have to wear so many goddamn clothes?" I'm saying with a scowl as I slowly work at peeling away the layers that cover her form. Okay, let me just state for the record. Toni has seen me naked, quite a few times in fact, but I've never seen her naked. And right now, I feel like a fucking creeper having to take off her clothes. She's still watching me, and it's making me feel self-conscious, so I very determinedly don't look at her, me, whatever. I also, kind of, try my best to not look down at her body, but really, as with her when she was changing the clothes on my body, it's really fuckin' unavoidable. I manage to get her layers of shirts off without much incident, the problem occurs when I'm attempting to take her pants off. I get them caught at the ankle because I'm awkward as hell trying to do this in a body I'm not accustomed too, so I end up hopping around on one foot while I'm trying to pull them off and not fall over. I end up catching myself against the wall and pull them the rest of way off.

"Not a fuckin' word," I say to her, trying to snarl but it comes out sounding odd from her throat, and I stalk back over to where I dropped her new clothes and start to put them on. First on goes the undershirt, which is easy, then another shirt, and then I slip the hoodie on over it. The pants are a bit harder, so I lean back against the dresser, slipping one foot into one leg, then the other and try to keep my balance as I wiggle them up. I get them buttoned and zipped and  I'm feeling kind of smug. I managed to do it without falling over, unlike her. So I give her this smug sort of look, and then straighten up. "Alright, ready to go?"

[Toni Descartes]

Okay so, not bad enough we're like, eachother right now, and not bad enough I woke up with wolf-man-junk that I don't even wanna figure out how to navigate around...But now he's yelling at me. Well...Okay not yelling, more like...snapping? And I should find this all fucking hilarious but really all I can think right now is 'Jesus fucking christ, do I always sound this annoying?" and I'm wondering how he can stand to listen to me like, ever.

He tells me he doesn't 'sit like that' and to stop doing it, and he should really know better cause this makes me just wanna do it more, so of course I do. But now I'm also pouting, and mumbling all grumpy like "Don't yell at me, damnit...." and in his voice? Oh mah god. It's ridiculous. I sound so stupid! I almost start to giggle over it,  but I'm sulking and when I sulk I don't like to giggle. So I stop myself, and just scowl instead, watching as he....she? Whatever, watching as Kaplan, goes over and starts digging through my shit.

He picks out just a fucking shirt and a pair of pants and a hoodie, and I'm sitting there watching him with a raised brow. "Cop out." Because it is and he totally fucking knows it. When do I ever wear just one shirt?? But whatever. I guess he could have done worse. Of course now comes the hard part, and he bitches at me about wearing so damn many clothes as he starts trying to remove them.
So, with me, I can pretty much change my clothes without ever showing anything. I don't wear a bra anymore, but back when I still did, I could put it on or take it off while fully clothed. I can do the same with most of my undershirts and such but sometimes I spaz out with a sleeve and end up whacking myself in the face or something. But yeah, in general, I'll change fast even if I'm alone, and I only take off what I'm about to put back on like, right away. But Kaplan? He's a dude. He's not used to not being a girl, and he's not used to being a spaz of a girl either. So what does he do? He just fuckin' strips me. Takes the shirts off and tosses them aside and then starts on the pants, and I'm feeling pretty smug through all the 'omfg put some CLOTHES ON ME please!" horror when he gets caught up in them and starts hopping around on one foot. He doesn't fall though, which is disappointing; he kind of props himself against the wall instead and pulls the pants the rest of the way off. So now my body is standing there in just a pair of Skeleanimals underwear and I'm wondering if it's possible to die of embarrassment while in someone else's fucking body....

He tells me not to say a word, and I'm kinda smirking, but really I'm also like...Just wishing he'd get me fucking covered up. There are windows here and HE could see me and....yeah. I just...Don't like being nekkid like that. Not casually. Not really much at all. I only have one friend I'm on naked terms with and even then it's only naked as needed not like, lounging around or anything. So yeah. Really fucking awkward and uncomfortable right now. And cold! Jesus I'm like, cold just looking at me. How can he not be freezing?
It takes him like, a million years, or it feels like it at least, to get over to where he dropped my clothes, and I'm sighing a little in relief as he gets a shirt on me, and he puts an undershirt on then a shirt over the top of that, which is good because that's pretty standard for me. In the summer I'll wear more light stuff but even then I usually have like a bikini top then a tank top then like a sleeveless crop top or something on, so...I guess I just...like layers? I dress like an onion, baby!

He gets the top half of me sorted first, and I guess I'm just grateful I had panties on cause hello...But yeah, finally he gets to the pants, and even manages to get them on pretty incident free, and the fucker, he's all fucking smug about it, too. Bastard. He looks at me with this 'oh look at me, I can put pants on' holier than thou face and I roll my eyes, as he asks if I'm ready to go. "Bitch, I was ready like five damn minutes ago..." I grumble, oddly satisfied with how it sounds with this voice. He rolls his eyes and says something snarky, but I'm a bit too focused on getting upright, and I end up fucking tipping forward trying to disentangle my legs. I glare up at him as I manage to get my feet under me and stand up, slowly. "Oh shut up, you couldn't take your pants off without flailing around so you don't get to mock me. Least you'd didn't wake up as goddamned Wolverine this morning...." Saying shit all pissy in this voice is epic! I sound so angry! I'm so amused I'm almost wondering what else I could say that would sound all cool. It's kinda distracting, actually. I'm sort of standing there contemplating, when he pokes me in the arm and says my name all annoyed like. "Whaaaaaaaaat?" Oooh that was bad. He winced. That was kind of amusing...I'm tempted to start whining at him just to piss him off,  but I get waylaid by a growing sense of horror overcoming me.

I totally need to friggin' pee. Oh god. Anything but that, seriously.

He must be able to see something on my face, or his, anyway, he must notice something cause he asks me what, and I just shake my head. "Nothing. It's nothing." I totally don't have to pee. I can hold it, we'll just go upstairs to Niki's and she'll get this shit figured out and then he can worry about that shit. Yep. That's the plan. Totally how it's gonna work. Except the second I think this, and take a step forward....Yeah, plan goes out the fucking window. He's still looking at me all funny and I know the look on my face is a weird one. Don't even fuckin' care right now.

I manage to get out of the bedroom before I realize that walking isn't as easy as it is supposed to be. Once I hit open air past the doorway I stumble and almost fall over, and I'm really trying not to do that cause with my luck I'd pee my damn pants and Kaplan....Never gonna let me live that shit down, never ever. Even if it's HIS body, he'll never let me forget that, so....Yeah. Not gonna let that happen.
The bathroom might as well be in like, another country. It seems to take me a billion years to get there and the stupid thing is, it's because I have to move all slow and carefully or else I start getting tangled up in his goddamned stupid legs. He's not having any easier a time though, at least, following along behind me with my body all baby-deer-like. I'd be laughing if I wasn't losing my goddamned shit right now.

I manage to, somehow, get to the bathroom, get the door open, and get in there. The funny thing is, coming out of the bedroom, the bathroom is like, right there, but even like four steps right now is an epic journey. So I get in there, get the door shut and locked behind me and I can hear my voice on the other side of it asking what the hell I'm doing. "Go away!" I can't do this shit with an audience on the best of days, goddamnit. I can hear him saying something out there in the hall but I'm staring at myself in the mirror and I'm not even fucking listening to him right now. Holy shit this is crazy. Seeing Kaplan's face in the mirror where mine should be...Wow. It's just...weird. Especially when I move my face around, smile, show my teeth. I start getting distracted, until my....his body, reminds me why we came in here. And that sense of dread slides back over me. Shit.

Okay. First things first...Um...Oh god. Okay this is so not something I wanna do. There's this second or two where I actually contemplate throwing open the door and being all "Goddamnit, YOU hold it!" but then...I think that would be even worse and more traumatizing so...Yeah. Gotta suffer through this shit. Kaplan's asking me, again, what the fuck I'm doing, and I scowl. "I have to PEE goddamnit." The stuff coming from the other side of the door is almost amusingly panicked now, and I shake my head. "Dude I don't WANT to, I NEED to, okay? Jesus christ....Do you have any gloves or something? Oh god...Maybe salad tongs? Just...Do I HAVE to...touch it? I mean seriously HOW DOES THIS WORK?" I'm getting all panicked now, and his voice is coming out of me all high and whiny. And my voice sounds suspiciously amused, and laughs at me. "Oh FUCK you. I will MAKE YOU HELP!" Okay that got him. Hah. Take that.

Probably the...first thing to do is approach the toilet, so I do that, and then I lift the seat, and feel all proud of myself for remembering to do that. Then I have to figure out the pants situation. I'm not even ready to attempt a fly so I just...undo the pants and let them slide to the floor. Hell with it, I don't have to do this with style, I just have to do it. And with as little looking at or touching of things as possible. Right.

I'm standing there for probably a while, just...Kind of willing my body to do shit on it's own? I must have made some kind of whining sound, because he yells through the door for me to just do it already, goddamnit, and I yell back "I can't go with you YELLING AT ME!" and I hear him grumble. Fucker. He can shut up. This isn't easy! "Your fucking dick didn't come with an instruction manual, asshole..." Yeah I'm being a brat now, I don't even fucking care. And then I have a lightbulb moment. WATER! Yes! Good idea! I'm kinda a spastic as it is so I'll like, turn the tap on sometimes so no one can hear me? Plus it just...helps? So I lean over and turn the sink on, and then I just close my eyes and stand there again and...Yeah. No fucking idea what I'm doing. This is..totally different than the system I'm used to. Maybe if I sat down...No, that would probably make it worse...

Finally, after maybe half a minute of the water running, something clicks, and things work themselves out. And I kinda go on autopilot trying not to think about all this shit, because if I don't, I'ma have me a freakout and somehow I think crying while peeing and being half naked is probably a really fucking undignified thing to do. So yeah. Let's be avoiding that, shalllll we?

By the time I'm done and have pants on again, I'm feeling pretty smug. That was horrible, but I survived it. I turn the tap off and flush the toilet, and wash my hands just because, and then I walk out, flicking water from my fingers into his face as I walk past. He's got this look on my face like he wants to know what happened but really doesn't wanna hear about it. I'm feeling a little more steady on my feet now so I head back into the bedroom and find the smokes, and light up a new one, looking around for shoes. I even manage to sit on the bed and start putting them on. "We're just...um..."I stick the smoke between my teeth so I can use both hands to lace up his boots. "...Never gonna talk about that again, okay?" I can't even look at him as I say it. "Shoes...Would be a good idea..." I point to a pair of converse high tops I'd tossed in the corner the other day.

Once we're all settled, I just kind of sit there for a moment, thinking. We have two ways up to Niki's, the 'normal person' way, and 'our' way. One involves stairs and hallways, the other involves scaling the fire escape and banging on her window.

"Okay so....Do we...go out the front door and upstairs or...Out the window and up? Cause....I'm not sure which I'm more likely to accidentally injure myself doing, walking up stairs, or fucking climbing...Ugh."

Decisions, decisions....

[Kaplan Yeates]

I really, really, really want to be back in my own body. I mean yeah, I'm not the most graceful sons of bitches in the world, but the shit I can do in my own form is what I'm used to. I'm used to moving at a certain speed, the kind of speed that's quite a bit faster than that of a normal human. Even walking sometimes can be faster than a regular human jogging. That's what I'm used to. So how slow I am right now is really noticeable to me. I think sometimes I forget what it was like to ever be human, because it's like. . . . I could never imagine myself not being what I am. I couldn't imagine being weak, and easy to kill. I mean, there are times where I remember what that was like, the way my brother used to hold my head under water until I was pretty sure I was going to pass out and drown before he'd yank me back up, and I'd spend the next few minutes gasping for air with my lungs burning, the way he'd mentally torment me until I wished he would kill me, just fucking put me out of my misery instead of constantly reminding me what a worthless piece of trash I was. The way it felt to have that police officer's breath on the back of my neck. All of these things that happened to me, and I always wonder how it would have turned out had I been a lycan back then. How hard it would have been for them to get the drop on me like they did. It's making something inside of me start to panic just a little at the thought of being weak again, of being able to be easily taken advantage of.

I mean, Jesus, how does Toni ever not be afraid of that? I know her weakness is a bit of a sore spot for her, the fact that she's basically just a human, but I can't even imagine how she even functions like a semi-normal person. Okay, not even semi-normal, because we all know that Toni is just a bit on the abby-normal side of things, more than a bit as a matter of fact. But non e of my pack members are exactly normal, or typical in any way shape or form. Maneuvering her form is alien to me, it feels weird, small and weak, and just fucking strange as hell. She's grumbling that she was ready five minutes ago, and I'm scowling at her, then wondering how that looks on me right now because it's not like Toni's exactly an intimidating looking person. I roll my eyes, "Sorry that trying to manage your body is like a baby deer trying to stand for the first time." I grumble a bit, and watch her as she starts to get herself into a standing position, almost falling on her face as my legs get tangled in themselves and I'm snickering. She tells me to shut up, and saying how I couldn't even get my pants off without flailing and that does make me shut up, glaring at her as she says at least I didn't wake up as wolverine this morning. No, I had to wake up inside the body of a spazzy girl and that is just as bad, but I decide not to comment on it. I poke her in the arm, and say her name, trying to get her to get a fucking move on. She says 'What?" but draws it out in that way she does and fuck if that doesn't sound weird coming out of my mouth. I wince without really meaning too, and she looks amused by it.

Suddenly she looks really fucking weird. Like, really weird, almost horrified and I'm confused. "What's wrong?" I ask, but she's shaking her head and telling me that it's nothing. I'm still curious what the problem is. I know it's got to be weird for her being in my body, but what the fuck? She walks out of the bedroom and stumbles a bit, and for a moment I'm wondering if she's going to end up falling again and that really amuses the shit out of me. Not that I'm one to talk considering I can barely stay upright at the moment. I'm following her out of the room, carefully because I'm not really all that accustomed to dealing with her flaily, spazzy body yet. She goes to the bathroom, and slips inside, shutting the door behind her and I'm confused again. What the fuck? Is she really that mortified? "What the fuck are you doing?" I call outside the door, and she shouts back for me to go away. Well I can't really do that. Because I'm reluctant to go far from her, for all I know this is some fucked up spell someone put on us and if we get to far apart from our . . . I guess souls, then we'll die. I read alot of science fiction okay? Weirder shit has happened I'm sure...

I ask her again what in the fuck she's doing in there, and what she says...it causes something in me  to twist up. I'm feeling just as horrified as she had looked a moment ago, and now it all makes sense. She has to go to the bathroom, and I can only fucking imagine how horrified that is making her feel. Not to mention, it fucking embarrasses the shit out of me for some reason. Shit, shit, shit. "What the fuck, you have to pee now? Of all fucking times!?" She responds that she doesn't want to do it, but she needs to, and I'm wondering if it's possible to just crawl into a hole and never come out again. She asks if I have any gloves, or salad tongs, and I'm suddenly kind of amused by her flail over it. Despite the embarrassment, this is really fucking amusing. Especially when she's asking if she has to touch it, and how does it even work. I'm laughing now. I can't help it, it's so fucking absurd that I can't help it. Of all the fucking things to happen while she's stuck in my body, this is just....fucking hilarious as hell. She finally shouts at me that basically if I don't stop laughing she's going to make me help, and that makes me shut up. Because I really don't want to deal with that level of awkward embarrassment.

There's a lapse of silence, until I finally get annoyed and go, "Just fuckin' HURRY UP, JUST DO IT ALREADY." and she retaliates that she can't do it with me yelling at her, and I roll my eyes, grumbling a bit. She says that my dick doesn't come with a goddamned user manual, which makes me snicker just a bit, but quietly hopefully she can't hear it. It seems to take her fucking forever to finish, and I'm getting pretty damned impatient by the time I hear the toilet flush and she opens the door, flicking some water from her fingers into my face, causing me to wrinkle my nose. She heads back into the room, and I follow her as she says that we're never going to talk about that again, and I can totally get by that so I just nod. She mentions shoes, and it's at that moment I realize that I'm barefoot. Shit. I head over to the shoes she's gesturing at and bend down awkwardly to pick them up, and carry them back to the bed, sitting down on the edge of it so I can slip them on. Once I'm done, I light up a cigarette, and look at her for a moment.

She asks if we go out the front door and try to brave the stairs, or if we should go out the window and brave the fire escape. Both of those options are likely to end up resulting in spastic flail from the both of us as we try to maneuver up to Niki's apartment. It would almost be easier to just text her and ask her to come down to us. But knowing her, she's likely to be a contrary bitch and tell us to fuck off. Unless she really thought something was wrong, and then she'd come down. It's not like she's heartless, and she does care about Toni so we could use that to our advantage. "Can't you text her and ask her to come down? Is she even awake right now? Shit...let's just go up the stairs." I sigh a bit, and stand up, awkwardly, turning to head out of bedroom. I keep one hand on the wall as I walk through the apartment to the front door. I'm trying to ignore the fact that my feet keep trying to go in opposite directions, and a couple of times I stumble  but somehow manage to catch myself. Jesus, I'm going to end up breaking my neck going up the stairs.

Once we're out of the apartment, I look up at the stairs like they are a giant obstacle that we have to overcome. "Shit...."
Can I just go back to bed and forget this day ever existed?

[Toni Descartes]

I'm so over this fucking day already. I can't even hold a fucking cigarette in my ridiculous giant hands, and I keep moving so fast I about pop myself in the mouth everytime I try to take a drag. I gotta wonder, if this is how it is for him all the time? But then the fucker's prolly used to it. Sometimes I've thought about like...going furry...If it's even possible for something like me, that is. But like, what it would change, how I'd feel and be...Would I feel like this? All spastic and fucked up and like every little movement could crush something? Guess ya get used to it but...God. This is just fucking weird. And I guess by that right he's prolly not having a fuckin' picnic in my lame ass weak little stupid body....I spose I got the better end of the deal, at least...

He's mulling over our options, and I'm veeeeery carefully lifting the smoke to and from my lips as he does. He asks if I could just text Niki, and I'm about to tell him that yes, I could, in theory, but I doubt I could get these giant nubby fingers to hit the right keys and I'd probably end up flailing and dropping or flinging the phone away, likely while making very manly frustrated shrieky sounds. Me as a guy is turning out to be a lot more like Albert from the movie The Birdcage than I really care to admit. Ugh.

Before I can say any of this though, he shoots down his own idea, and I sigh a little in relief, then watch as he gets up and starts to head out of the room. Oh goody, we're walking again. This should be fun. He has my little teeny useless hands on the wall for balance, and for a moment I just kinda watch him, smirking probably way to fucking smugly, as he moves through the door and out towards the main room looking like a drunk baby deer. And of course, it's likely this smugness that makes the universe or whatever spiteful deity likes to fuck with us go "Haha bitch, YOUR TURN!" so when I get up all "Hah, I've got this shit down!" I immediately trip and just about faceplant. It's only the freaky super speed that gets my hands out and splayed on the ground to catch me, and I stand back up way too fucking fast, feeling a little dizzy for a second, and I know I'm standing there with both hands out all spasticly like if I just stay real, real still I'll be fine. Which would work if Kaplan wasn't already almost to the door, and we didn't have to go anywhere...

I manage to get myself to the door without any major incidents, at least, but once we're at the door, we gotta go out the fucking thing, and I'm standing there behind him for several long seconds staring up at the stairs like they've just become the biggest, tallest mountain in the world. Cause fuck, it might as well be. Seriously, I have no idea how the fuck we are getting up those steps. And fuck, it's only like a flight of them, which is even worse. That should be nothing. And I take a step forward all "Fuck you, stairs! You will not beat me!" and I'm all puffed up and "I can do this, I can totally fucking do this" about it and I get like, one foot on one stair and the other foot on another stair and then...

And then somehow I end up on my ass at the bottom of the stairs again. And blinking. And going "Owwwwww...." Even though really, it didn't hurt that much...But still. The bruise to my ego is pretty damn bad. And it doesn't help that I can hear that little fucking body thieving bitch best friend of mine fucking snickering behind me. And the smug fucker seems to think he can do better because he starts up the stairs, even holding onto the railing, and I just sit there on my ass for a moment watching...me, I guess...Try to climb a set of stairs. And it's hilarious. He gets up higher than I did, clinging to the rail for dear life, but about four up he gets cocky or something because he lets go of the railing and steps up to the next one...And falls on his face right on the fucking stairs.

I can't help it, I laugh, this weird almost bark of a startled laugh. "HAHA! Now it's not just me that can fall up stairs, is it, bitch? Next time you laugh at me for that I'ma remind you of this." I really, really should have expected the comment he'd make to that, which is basically how it's still me falling up the stairs and it's not his fault he's stuck in the body of a spaz or some shit. I'm half tuning him out because I can hear something like super well, and I turn and kind of look down towards the lower set of stairs, closing my eyes and listening. I can hear people down there, someone in the lobby maybe, the jangle of keys in a mailbox...Wow. How the fuck does he not go insane? He's looking at me with a raised brow and I shake myself, getting up to a kind of crouch. "I can...hear people downstairs...This is weird, dude. How do you not lose your mind? I couldn't stand to hear that much shit like...all the time..." And then an awful thought occurs to me, cause like...I prolly drive him crazy with all my whining and random noises and singing and shit...I shut up then, scowling and standing up, not really listening to him right now. I just...wanna not be doing this anymore. Being Kaplan is making me realize all sorts of shit I don't wanna realize, and I just wanna get the hell out of this shit.

I give the stairs a second try, and Kap-me is still sort of just sitting where he fell on the stairs. It's an effort to resist poking him or pushing him over or something as I pass, but I could probably kill me if I did that and I kinda don't wanna do that and get stuck as Kaplan forever. Ugh, scary thought. I really don't wanna be a dude.

So, I get about six stairs up this time, before the toe of my boot catches on one of the stairs and I fall forward almost exactly the same way he did a few minutes ago, and of course he has to laugh and snark off at me. And at this point, I've had it. Some little thing in my brain snaps and I let out this growl that actually startles me, and for a second I just sit there staring at him all "did that come out of me??" and then I start to giggle. Like bad. Like almost hysterically. I have this moment of wondering if maybe I've finally lost my damn mind, and then he's scowling and yelling at me to stop fucking giggling and I make a face at him and yell "NO!" back, and giggle harder. And then I kind of half crawl over the stairs to where he's still sitting there, and I grab the rail, standing up and looking down at him. Okay, we're gonna do this, goddamnit. We're gonna kick these stairs ass.

I keep a good grip on the railing, and then I reach down and just kind of...grab me, which doesn't work out so well because Kap kinda starts flailing and asking what the hell I'm doing, and I tell him to just shut up as I kind of spastically lift him...me...whatever, off the stairs and shift him around so I'm carrying him really fucking awkwardly. "Sorry, not used to being a giant fucking dude so...And if I drop you....Sorry in advance... Mostly because I'ma be laughing too hard to say it then." I snicker a bit and slide my hand up the railing farther, get a good grip, then wince as it's too good and I about crack the fucking thing, and I pull myself up to the next step, carefully, and just kind of stand there a second, waiting. And then I do it again, and again, slowly, but I get us up to almost the top before Kaplan starts bitching at me to either put his ass down or hurry the fuck up. And by this point, I'm getting to the end of my own really not that great to begin with patience and I just kind of... Well toss is what I was going for, but really I kind of throw 'me', up to the top of the stairs, but not so hard I think it'll hurt...him...Anyway he kinda hits the landing and slides to almost the wall, and he's bitching at me about it but I don't even fucking care because I've finally gotten to the top of the stairs myself and I'm feeling so goddamned smug right now...

Of course, we still have the hallway to brave, and I kind of carefully help Kaplan up, looking warily at Niki's door. "What if she's having sex in there? Oh god...I don't wanna deal with that." I give him a little shove forward. "You knock." He scowls and asks why he has to do it, and I point at my...his...ears. "Dude, super hearing. I don't wanna know that shit. Ugh. You knock. Safer for everyone." He starts to argue about this, and I sigh. "Okay, okay, fine. Rock paper scissors?" This is getting us no where, and I realize we're gonna be standing here argueing about shit forever, so finally I just shake my head. "Fuck it, fine. If I get traumatized by scary sex noises I'ma kick your ass later."

I take off towards the door now, kind of cautiously, but I don't hear anything when I get to the door. For a second I have a moment of panic thinking what if Niki's not here...And then I knock, a little too hard and loud and it kinda makes me wince as I'm standing there. Kaplan manages to get over to me and just kind of leans against the wall, and I wait a moment before knocking again, all obnoxiously this time, like I usually do anytime I have to knock on her door or window. I'm still knocking, when I hear someone curse on the other side of the door, and it opens just as I hear "Jesus Christ Toni hang on a fucking minute!" from somewhere further in the room, just as I am greeted with the site of a very, very naked man looking at me. From his expression I think we he was expecting me and not Kaplan, and Kap has the misfortune of looking over just then, and getting the full view. We both curse and tell him to put some fucking clothes on, just as Niki, wrapping a robe around herself, walks up and sort of blinks at me. "Kaplan...Sorry, you knocked like Toni." I snicker a bit, as she looks over at where 'Toni' is standing, and then back to me, frowning. "The hell is up that you couldn't have texted or something? Jesus fucking christ you guys, we were busy." She smirks as she says this, and I can't help it, my face wrinkles up as I shove my way into the apartment. "GROSS dude, ew. I don't wanna know all about your creepy vampire sexcapades jesus fucking christ." Deim's still standing there without anything on, and I scowl at him. "Put some DAMN PANTS ON dude! I don't wanna see your junk. Ugh. Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiki make him put clothes on. I'ma go fucking blind." I plop down on her couch and fish a smoke out, but the lighter FLIES out of m hand like the fucking thing was greased, and Kaplan snickers at me as he walks in the door, echoing my 'fucking clothe your damn vampire' sentiments and sitting down carefully in a chair. I don't bother trying to recover my lighter because there's one on the coffee table, and I light my smoke as Niki kind of looks back and forth between us, this deep frown on her forehead. "Careful, your face might stay like that...Quick, Kap, slap her on the back!" I giggle, taking a drag off my smoke and looking down at her dog, Jade, who is now sniffing me with a semi confused quirk of her ears. I reach down and rub her head, and she kind of blinks at me but doesn't seem too bothered. Niki however has an even weirder look on her face, and I smirk at her.

"Something wrong?" She's just staring at me now, and she kind of walks over, still staring, and waves a hand around me, like she's trying to feel something. Then she leans in and kind of sniffs at me, and I get this...like wave off her, like a smell, like I can smell her skin, the soap she uses, I can smell the vampire on her, and...there's so much more, I can't even really pin any of it down. It's almost overwhelming, and I kind of put a hand on her and push her back, a little more roughly than I mean to. She blinks and just looks at me for a moment, then over at Kaplan, walking over and kind of doing the same thing to him. After a moment she turns and looks back at me, her expression all weird.

"Okay so...what the fuck is going on?" I shrug, shaking my head. "Hoping you could tell us that, super witch." I stick my tongue out at her, and she kind of shakes her head, grabbing a smoke out of a pack on the coffee table and lighting it, around the same time her vampire walks back in with pants on, smirking and walking over to her. His expression kind of changes as he looks at her, raising a brow, and she sits down on the opposite end of the couch from me, looking confused. "Okay so let me get this straight..." She looks at me, frowning. "...Toni?" And then to Kaplan. "Kap? Are you...Fuck, how the hell..." Finally, she shakes her head, looking at Kaplan in my body.

"Alright, let's start at the beginning. Who the fuck did you piss off?"

[Kaplan Yeates]

Ever have one of those weird dreams where you feel like you're walking outside of your body? As if you're going around the city, state, or even world in the body of another person, or even as some kind of a weird fucking specter. Not really participating in the sequence of events going on in your dreams, but watching them like some creepy ass voyeur. I kind of feel like that right now, being inside of the body that's not unlike a baby deer, and it's as if I'm having to learn how to do the most basic things all over again. Such as walking and moving. That's frustrating enough as it is, but add in the fact that I'm basically having to re-learn how to live without all of my strength, speed, and senses. .. . well you have one giant . . . to use a term I've heard before . . . . sucktacular time. I'm so ready to be done with this shit, I want back in my own body, I want out of this spastic, unbalanced body. Well, it's unbalanced, likely, because I have no fucking idea what I'm doing, or how to work it, but then. . . Toni's pretty unbalanced in general, so while I might wonder for a moment if maybe it's her body rebeling against her, but really I think it's just because she's a spaz. And I didn't really think about how much of one she was until I'm stuck in this flaily body that I can't get to do anything.

We're both kind of staring up at the staircase, and I'm mentally counting the steps until the stop, the more it gets the more I'm convinced that I'm going to die. I'm going to die, stuck in the body of Toni. She's going to be stuck in my body and be stuck as a guy for the rest of her life. Oh god, how horrible will that be? I'll suddenly be dressing like her, and be a chick with a dude's body. There's so many awful, awful things she could do to me while in my body that I'm really, really wanting to just get up the stairs and demand that Niki fix this shit so I can go back to being who I am. Toni's all amped up, and thinking she can be the master of the stairs. That somehow all my balance and such will stop her from being a horrible, flaily mess on the stairs, and it doesn't take long for the universe to smack reality back into her face. Well in this case her.. . . my. . . .ass as she slips and falls back onto it and I'm snickering before I can even stop myself.

As smug as I likely look, displaying the air of confidence that I will succeed where she has failed, I'm not really all that sure. I just know that I'm going to fall, but I still try. My hands grasps onto the railing, and I use it to pull myself up. I get up one step, then another, and start to feel really, really smug. I can fucking do this. I mean, shit, I'm not as spazzy as Ms. Falls-A-Lot, so really, if either of us is going to get up the stairs first it's going to fucking be me. And I'm going to lord that shit over her so bad it's not even fucking funny. After a little ways up, I guess I got cocky, which was a really, really stupid thing to do, because I let the railing go and start to turn in order to make some epic, snarky comment at her right as I'm lifting my foot to set it on the next step except my foot catches the edge of the stair instead, so as I'm putting my weight against it, my foot slides down awkwardly and I'm suddenly faceplanting right onto the stairs. My chin hits against a step, and I taste blood as my teeth gnash right into my tongue. Fuuuuck. That fucking hurts. I'm so fucking not used to feeling this shit on the level that she does. How in the fuck does she handle it?
Maybe it's just because I know that any wound I get will heal in a manner a minutes, where as hers. . . . well she really can't heal unless she gets some death. With the level of shit that I'm putting her body through right now, if we don't get it fixed soon, I'm going to have to have her kill someone so I don't end up giving her back her body all broken and mangled. I don't think a 'oops sorry, i broke your body!" is really going to work....

And of course, the bitch in question is laughing at me, and making a comment about it's not just her that falls up stairs now, and that she's going to remember that forever and forever taunt me about it if I start to make fun of her for it. "Fuck you," I mumble. "This is your spazzy ass body that fell on the stairs, not me. Not my fault I'm stuck in your stringy ass body. Notice I don't fall up the stairs in my OWN BODY."  I lift myself up a bit, and turn, just sitting on the staircase now, lighting up a cigarette while I get my bearings before I attempt to climb up them again. She has her head turned towards the lower stair case, and I'm raising a brow as she looks back at me. She says she hears someone downstairs, and makes some comment about how in the hell I stand that, that she couldn't stand to hear that much shit all the time. I just shrug, "You get used to it after a while." Honestly, I like being able to hear that much shit. Because, honestly? I'd rather do that. Even when I was human, I could hear shit very well, always aware of my surroundings. Just a survival instinct I had, which is now amped up even more now that I am a lycan.

She gets up then, and starts up the stairs, managing to pass me before she gets tangled up in the stairs and faceplants herself. I laugh, "HAHA, now who's the spaz who falls up the stairs. Jesus fucking christ, you're a shame to lycans everywhere!" I snicker a bit, which sounds a bit weird to me. I stop immediately when a low, deep growl comes out of her. . . my . . . throat, and she's looking at me with this startled look. I snicker again. "Get used to that. It happens all the time." But my snicker turns quickly into a scowl as she starts fucking giggling again. "Goddamnit, STOP FUCKING GIGGLING." She makes a bratty face at me, the type I'm really, really used to seeing on her her face and telling me no, before giggling even more. I'm scowling at her, taking a drag from my cigarette. "For that? I hope you have to deal with a random boner, bitch." I watch as she crawls over to me, and gets a good handle on the stair railing and pulls herself back up. Like she's re-building her confidence. I'm about to stand up, but she gets a grip on the rail and kind of. . . . grabs me. I automatically bring my hands up to try to get her off of me, and ask her what the fuck she's doing, but she tells me to shut up and picking me up in order to carry me in one arm. Really awkwardly. I mean, I. . . . in my own body, can pretty much pick her up and swing her around if I wanted to, so really not like she's making much of an effort to carry me but she's  also not used to being able to carry someone.

She tells me that she's sorry in advance if she drops me, mostly because she'd be too busy laughing to say it properly if it happened and that's making me scowl as I kind of go limp in her . . . my . . .. arm. Trying to move as little as possible so not to throw her lame ass off balance. I hear a cracking sound, and roll my eyes, resisting the urge to make fun of her as she cracks the railing and starts working her way up the stairs again. After a little bit, I'm starting to lose patience. "Jesus fucking christ, by the time you get up the damn stairs we're both going to be in our eighties. Well, I will be, you'll  be in your nineties, hurry the fuck up." I snicker a bit, and at that moment I can tell that she's not feeling that great about how slow she's going also, because she. . . .throws me. I'm not sure she really meant to throw me that hard, but when my ass hit the floor and I slid across it  to slam my back painfully against the wall, it makes me wonder if she just did that on purpose to get me to shut up or if she just meant to toss me and didn't really figure in her super fucking strength now. I mean, Toni weighs like nothing. I could throw her out my window and into the building across the fucking street if I wanted to.

I'm cursing, though, kind of stretching my back a bit to try to work out the pain as she makes it the rest of the way up the stairs. I pull myself up to my feet, with her help, and take another drag from my cigarette before dropping it to the ground and stubbing it out with my shoe. She's kind of looking at Niki's door warily, and I'm about to comment on it when she asks what if Niki's having sex in there? Really? Why in the fuck does that matter? She gives me a shove forward and tells me to go knock. I scowl at her. "Why me?" She points at her, my, ears and mentions the super hearing and I snicker a bit. Yeah, that's shit I have to listen to all the fuckin' time, so really can't feel sympathy for her about that. But still, not gonna let her make me knock on someone's door, so I open my mouth to argue her point, but she sighs and says we can do rock, paper, scissors, so I just shake my head. Which she seems to realize that this is pointless and shakes her own head and says that if she gets traumatized by sex sounds that she's going to kick my ass, so I smirk a bit and follow her as she heads for the door. Once she gets up to the door, I kind of press my weight against the wall next to the door as she knocks on it. She's knocking all obnoxiously, just like she always does, and I'm rolling my eyes until the door opens and I can hear Niki from somewhere in there, so I'm wondering for a moment who answered the door. Which was a really, really stupid question to thing, which is exactly what I think when I lean over and get the sight of a very naked Deimne standing in front of the door looking at us with a raised brow.

"Put some fucking close on, Celt," I mumble, and he gives me an odd look as Niki comes over and says that I knocked like Toni, and I can't help it, I snicker a bit at that. Of course I knocked like Toni. Because she's in my fucking body. I listen to their exchange as I just remain where I am, smirking a bit at Toni's flail about Deimne being naked and walk in right when Toni's trying to light up a smoke but the lighter slips right out of her hand and makes me snicker. I look at Deimne, who's still standing there, watching us with a bemused look on his face, and I look at Niki. "Put some clothes on your damn vampire. Jesus." I grumble a bit and head over to the chair, sitting down slowly so as not to spaz out and fall on my face or something, and manage to light up a cigarette. Niki's watching us, frowning and Toni makes some dumb comment about me slapping her on the back in order to freeze her face and it makes me roll my eyes.

I just sit there, smoking, and watching as Niki walks over to Toni...me....and starts kind of feeling around her, then leans in and sniffs her, which makes me raise a brow. Toni kind of shoves her back a bit, probably because she's getting a whiff of all the scents on Niki, plus all of her feelings and vibes and such. That can be a bit over-whelming for someone who's not used to deciphering what it all means. This makes Niki turn and walk over to me, doing the same thing and I resist the urge to shove her back, just sit there, watching her. "Figured it out yet, magical bloodhound?" I smirk a bit and Niki asks what the fuck is going on. Toni makes some snarky, bratty comment to that right as Deimne walks back out, wearing a pair of pants now thankfully. Niki sits down on the opposite end of the couch from Toni, and her vampire kind of leans against the arm of it, lighting up a smoke as he watches us. She says both of our names, looking at us, and I'm smirking at her. At least until she looks at me, and asked who the fuck I pissed off.

This makes me a bit indignant. "Why do you look at me when you ask that!?" All three of them are giving me their own version of a 'Are you kidding me?" face and that makes me grumble a bit. "I don't piss people off that much, they piss me off, there's a fuckin' difference. And how in the hell should I know? We just woke up like this! Fix it! You're all super witch, and constantly  show off what a badass you are, figure it out! Why else would we endure dragging our asses up here in order to get a fuckin' vampire junk peep show!?" Deimne is smirking at me, and takes a drag from his cigarette, sort of absently running his other hand along Niki's shoulder. He asks her if she wants anything from the kitchen, before getting up and heading that way.

"So hop to it, Samantha, I want back in my body." I take a drag from my cigarette, and scowl.

[Toni Descartes]

Ya know, it's not bad enough I started this day as a dude, or that my body is all "WHEEE REBELLION!" about it or that I had to figure out how to do fun new things like, ya know, walk, or pee standing up. That's all not bad enough. Clearly. Because...Okay, I guess I take bein' a chick and havin', ya know, girl parts, a bit for granted. I mean I have like, almost no tits so those things never get in the way, and ya know, having an 'innie' not an 'outie', you really don't, I think, take into account how that stuff can get in the way. I mean I've probably been all annoyed and shifting around complaining about...ya know....um...things we have to use once a month...Although I try not to do that around Kap cause he'd just spaz out on me and it's bad enough I know he probably knows when that stuff is going on anyway and once I even had to ask him to go get me stuff and we pretty much had a 'we shall never speak of this again' thing and the end result was pounding on the ceiling til Niki came down and took pity on us cause....yeah no. It was bad enough having to ask him to go to the store for me but about three seconds into the "I wouldn't even know wtf to get" part of the convo it became preeeeetty damn evident our friendship would not survive such things. And then Niki fucking laughed at us cause she was like "Jesus fucking christ who died?" when she walked in and saw the awkward twins not even able to look at eachother so. Yes.

Anyway, point is, as a girl, things like, oh, say, walking and sitting down, not exactly hindered by, ya know...Bits....But as a boy? Yeaaaaaaah....So I'm sitting there on Niki's couch and I start to realize I'm really not all that comfortable, so the whole time she's talking to Kap I'm like, shifting around. Because me? Normally I sit curled up in a ball or indian style or with my legs all crossed up cause I'm little and monkey like. But this shit soooooo ain't happening with wolf junk in the mix. And somehow, trying to get comfortable, I manage to...pinch something, and suddenly I understand why guys act like such babies about getting hit in the junk. It's not like, blinding or anything but 'ow' isn't exactly a strong enough word, and I make a face and squirm around and I'm starting to get really annoyed and that's about the time I tune in in time to hear the phrase 'Vampire Junk Peep Show', and I snicker.

"Yeah seriously, does he EVER wear clothes?" Deim's not really paying attention though and he asks Niki if she needs anything before wandering off towards the kitchen. "WHAT IF I NEEDED SOMETHING HUH? Such rude fuckin' hosts..." But of course, no one's paying attention to me, and Kap's snarking off to the one person who can help us which I'm wondering if that's a good idea or not...But then this is Niki and really, she'd probably be more concerned if we weren't being insufferable.

I'm not doing so great on this 'sitting down' stuff still so I kinda stretch out and smoke, watching them. Niki's just shaking her head for so long I'm about to ask Kap if we broke her, when she finally sighs.

"Alright you two, I dunno how the fuck you two idiots got yourselves into this shit, but I'll...See what I can do." She's scowling, which is kind of funny cause, ya know, usually this bitch hops to shit like this all "CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!" but this seems to have baffled her. I lean to the side and poke her in the arm, smirking, and she turns to scowl at me. "Weeeeeeee broke yooooooou....You don't know what to do do you?" Oooh scary narrowed eyes. I narrow mine back, then make a face at her, as she shakes her head and gets off the couch to go over to one of the big shelves O' Books in the room. "You know, I could just leave you two like this, you keep that up..." Okay, she's got a good point. I flop on the couch and look at her with big eyes, pouting. "Nooooooooo don't do that, I already had to pee once, I don't think I can handle anymore wolf junk....Handle wolf junk...Oh god...." And then I'm giggling again. Niki turns and looks at me with this...weird look, it's sort of half amusement, half horror, and she laughs kind of unsettled-like. "Dude....Don't do that. You saying Toni-shit from that mouth is bad enough but....The giggling..." And she looks at Kap, who just shakes his head and agrees with her.

"Oh you think it's not weird as fuck to see myself bein' all flaily and scowly and Kaplan? Pffft. You can deal woman....Wait....No, sorry, I'll be nice, please just...Heeeelp?" Niki smirks again and starts pulling books off the shelves in what seems kind of a random fashion but knowing her is prolly anything but. "See now, this is why you don't piss off the witch. I could leave you two like this forever, and you'd be so fucked..Although really I think you'd just end up killing eachother, or yourselves....Knowing you, Toni, you'd probably kill yourself accidently, and Kaplan would take his own life because being stuck as you forever is too fuckin' scary a thought." I flip her off, scowling and drawing myself into a ball before I remember this doesn't exactly work that well in this body. "Haaaaaaaaaate yoooooooooou...."

"Mmmhmmm. Let's see how much you hate me when I fix this shit." I roll my eyes, sitting back and kind of looking around, as she takes a pile of books to the center of the room and drops them onto the floor hard enough it makes me jump, and then she sits down amidst them and starts going through them. Deim comes back over to us about then, telling us this could take awhile. He would know, considering he has to live with the woman...But Niki pipes up and tells us that we're more likely to hinder her then help so why don't we fucks make ourselves useful and go out and get some food or something and chill out.

"Seriously? You're suggesting we go outside? Is that even safe? Or sane?" I'm nearly panicked at the prospect and jesus fucking christ but Niki and Deim look amused. I narrow my eyes at them, scowling. "You assholes prolly just wanna have sex again. Ugh." But before I can challenge them anymore, and I'm pretty sure Deim would probably take that as one, I throw my hands up. "Fiiiiiiiiiiiiine. Fine. We'll go. But we need money." Niki rolls her eyes and asks Deim to grab her bag for her, and then she rummages in it for a minute or so and basically throws a small wad of cash at me, which I of course fumble like a fucking spastic trying to grab, much to Kap's amusement. "Shut the fuck up, you couldn't catch right now to save your life either." I take his scowl and muttering for agreement, stubbing out my smoke and half crawling over the coffee table to get my lighter back before getting to my feet and looking around.

And once again, the question is posed, how do we get outside? I'm not really all that keen on the stairs, we already had a problem with those and I'm thinking that's not gonna be any easier going down...Glancing at the window, I sigh for a moment, and then head over, yanking it open and looking outside.

And immediately regret it.

Oh my fucking gawd, the smells. All at once, it's food, filth, people, green stuff, perfume, shit...I can literally smell so many things that I'm totally fucking dazed by it, just standing there kind of hanging half out the window, when I hear Kap say something behind me and jump about a foot, smacking the back of my head on the top of the window. "OW! Fuck! Goddamnit Kap..." In an attempt to redeem my already excessively spastic behavior, not that that will ever happen...Anyway, in an attempt for redemption, I sort of force myself out the window and onto the fire escape, and even manage to do so pretty....well, 'gracefully' ain't exactly the word but hell, it'll do all things considered. Anyway, I get out there and don't hurt or maim myself in the process, and Kap's kind of shakily climbing out too so I reach over and half yank him the rest of the way out, which he doesn't seem too thrilled with, and I pat him and stand him upright. "There there, you'll figure it out eventually. Hmm...I could just throw you down the fire escape....You prolly won't die..." Again with the not thrilled by this, and I snicker. "Kidding. ....Mostly." I move to the edge of the fire escape, kind of clutching the rail just because I still don't, ya know, trust myself not to just topple over it, and then I kind of lean forward, looking down.

Okay so, since I'm in this body, might as well, ya know...Make the most of it. I turn and look at Kap-me, then, and even though I can't see it I have a feeling that the smirk on my face is his 'jackal smile', and the look on my face, my real, usual one, turns to something like horror. "Don't you even-" but he doesn't get the sentence finished because before he can, I kind of hop up onto the railing, still clutching it with one hand, and then I jump down.

Kap does this shit all the time, the fucker, and always leaves me to scramble my lame gangly ass down the 'normal' way, usually snickering at me when I get all flaily about the drop from the end of the ladder. And he's heard my "WHY THE FUCK IS THIS LADDER UP SO HIGH???" rant way too many fucking times. I land on the ground in kind of a crouch, the impact kind of rattling through my limbs and I know I didn't do it right but I didn't hurt myself, either, which I consider a victory, ya know, gotta take those where you can. I turn and smirk as I watch 'myself' making my reaaaaaaally fucking slow way down the fire escape, lighting up a new smoke. "Huuuuuuuuuurrry up, slow ass!" I don't pay attention to what he says in response to that though, turning and kind of looking around, sniffing the air again.

God, it's insane. I'd make such a fail lycan, I'd never stop sniffing things! I mean, it's bad enough when I catch the scent of death, or someone smells like it, cause I'll be all sniffing and spaced out, but this shit? Fucking ridiculous. I wanna ask him how he ever gets anything done but then I guess he's used to it, ya know?

After what seems like eighty million yeaaaaaaaaaars he finally makes his way to the ground, and walks up beside me, not exactly seeming very thrilled about the situation. And now we have to figure out where to go, which is, ya know...Not an easy decision on the best of days. But there's a diner not too far away that we go a lot-ish, so we agree that's prolly the safest course of action. So we're not too far from Niki's and our place, and such.

But you see, the big fat flaw in our briiiiiiiiilliant plan becomes evident as we start walking there. Distractions!!! A whole fucking city fulla them! First it's a puddle, which makes a really epic splashy sound when I step through it, but it smells sooooo bad, and I'm ranting about that as I try to remember where we're going. Then we pass this guy who smells soooo good but I can't figure out why cause it's not death I'm smelling and I don't mean good in a "I want the boy!!" way either. More like....I'm trying to kinda, articulate this, standing there staring at him as he gets smaller and smaller in the distance. "Whhhhhhhhyyyyyyyy does that guy smell so fucking good???" Kap kinda shrugs, seems like he's got his own shit to worry about, but I'm scratching my head. "I don't wanna like, roll around on him or something, like I do when someone smells deathy...I wanna...I feel...." I frown, as the pieces connect. "...I wanna eat him." I look at Kap kind of wide eyed, and he laughs at me. "What the fuck?? Am I a cannibal now?? Oh god...He was a shifter or a lycan or something wasn't he? Is this how you feel around shit like Fail Fox? Heeee....Mmmm, prey!" I giggle again and he's back to scowling, telling me to stop getting fucking distracted and not to eat anyone. "What about biting? Can I bite someone? I CAN MAKE AN ARMY OF BLACK WOLVES! We shall take over the wooooooooorld!" He's just shaking his head now and I grab my little spindly Toni arm and look at it. "I could bite MYSELF! Mwahaha...Then when we gets back to our own bodies I shall be SUPER TONI! Demon Wolf Extraordinaire!" He yanks his...well my arm out of my grip and I smirk as we start walking again, not really paying attention to him now because I can smell food again, not people that smell like food but like real food, and my stomach rumbles. I'm tempted to just start running, now, but then, I've barely got this walking shit down, a fact made all the more evident as I trip on....probably air knowing me, and just about lay myself out on the ground. I'm kinda picking myself back up when I get distracted by sounds this time, much to Kaplan's bitching, and I shake my head, tell him to shut up, and start moving again.

It takes a second or two to realize I've lost...me...And I turn, seeing him standing at the mouth of an alley we just passed that smells so bad.... "And you told me to stop being distracted?" I smirk, looking at him, but he's not paying any attention, just staring straight ahead, and when I wave a hand in front of his face he kind of irritably bats it away and starts forward. I'm frowning, wondering what the fuck he's doing, when I catch a whiff of it myself. Death. But I can't smell it in the way I'm used to, just the...I guess 'normal' way? It smells like decomposition, faint, like it's not too old but not too new either, and I can smell old blood, and some nasty other stuff. There's something dead here, and there's a pile of trash at one end of the alley that it seems to be coming from. Prolly a bum or something. I don't really wanna go poking around to find out, which is weird cause normally I'd...Well I'd be doing what he's doing, which is walking towards it like it's a goddamned tractor beam. He's not even listening to my constant barrage of "Hey! Hey! Stop that! Come back here! Foooooood, remember!" so I walk over, closing the distance and I put my hand on his shoulder, snickering as he stops and looks at me with these huge glazed eyes. "Jesus, is this how I look to you like....All the time? God..." I tug on his shirt and kind of try to turn him around. "Let's goooooooooo. I'm hungry."

I would say I hope this day doesn't get any worse or weirder, but really, that's just tempting fate...